Numb to the Waiting

After all of the waiting that I've been doing over the past few years, I feel like I've become somewhat numb to it.  Every delay used to be excruciating.  Now, although I have disappointment, I just shrug my shoulders and wait.  There's not much I can do about it, so I guess I'll just wait.

This latest delay was very unexpected.  I have completed everything on the checklist and have the meds.  I'm all ready to go and could even combine clinic visits with upcoming planned work meetings in Dallas.

I had just gotten very good news.  I had tested for high natural killer cells with my last RE (that's not the good news). Some REs, including 2 of them that I respect highly, believe that Intralipid infusion is an effective treatment, allowing many who have trouble getting and staying pregnant who have high NK cells.  I witnessed one of my best friends go through about 9 IVFs before they tested her.  She has high NK cells and was able to get pregnant not once, but twice with the Intralipids.  She has a 3 year old and is now pregnant with twins.  There aren't any controlled studies out there, so Dr. K was very resistant.  I was very worried that I would finally get good embryos and they wouldn't be able to survive.  After sending Dr. K everything I could find, he finally agreed to the treatment (yeah!).

In the very same email, he told me that the embryo donors had very recently mentioned the results of a genetic test one of their children received.  They were just giving full disclosure and didn't think that it had any impact on the genetic health of the other embryos.  Dr. K isn't convinced and wants to be sure the gene deletion is "de novo" (occurring for the first time).   The bio father got tested last week and is clear.  Now Dr. K wants the anonymous egg donor to get the test as well.  If she comes back with the same deletion or if she doesn't get the test, he is not going to release the hold on these embryos.

I just pray that there isn't a genetic condition.  Maybe God thinks I need to do a few things, like continue to get healthier.  So, I will continue to focus on health and wait...